Home - 2012 - January

Month: January 2012

Wiser Car Cover

Posted on January 27, 2012 in Wiser Car Cover

Apparently Andy’s Wiser Car Cover idea started with Allen Brady.  According to Allen, he gave Andy an idea one day for a car cover that inflated using air from a car’s tires.  The idea was that hail storms in the Denver area are so frequent that consumer demand for an inflatable car cover would be tremendous and Wiser Technology investors would make a fortune!

Allen is obviously and idiot and never thought that deflating an automobile’s tires in order to protect it’s paint reflects misplaced priorities that only he and Andy Esquivel could possibly share, but Andy ran with the idea anyway.

After hours playing with rope and packing materials, Andy came up with a “prototype” which he displayed on his daughter’s toy pedal car.  The video of this elaborately decorated rope and plastic bubble wrap concoction is now considered a classic by Andy Esquivel [video] connoisseurs.

After the whole world finished laughing about Andy’s ridiculous toy car cover invention, he got quiet for a while.  Then Andy had a breakthrough.  While eating at Burger King one day he happened to spot a prototype of the 2012 Hyundai Veloster on a lunch break during high altitude testing in Colorado.  Automobile prototypes undergoing testing are routinely wrapped in anti-spy covers to foil the automotive press, and Andy saw a prime opportunity to pass a photo of this car off as his own using his imaginary car cover!

Now, it’s obvious to anybody who’s ever read an automotive magazine that this image is of a car in anti-spy wraps and not some new car cover designed by Andy Esquivel, but Andy persisted…even after photos of other 2012 Hyundai Velosters in the same anti-spy wrap (prominently labeled as Hyundai Velosters in anti-spy wraps) were posted on anti scam threads across the Internet.  Amazingly, Andy refused to admit that he’s been caught in a lie and a scam red handed and indignantly continued to insist that his car cover was real [video]. He even posted an elaborate story about him being in New Mexico testing the car cover and filming the entire test from a motor home in chase.

His explanation for the Hyundai Veloster spy photos was that these were traditional car covers and that Wiser had made the car covers better by adding the inflation feature…completely missing the point that these images aren’t of cars with commercial car covers on them at all, but instead prototypes with factory disguises.

This is probably my favorite example of our lunatic friend Andy Esquivel making a complete idiot of himself trying to perpetrate a hilarious scam in the face of embarrassing realities.  Andy simply never knows when to give up, even when caught red-handed.  The original image is STILL hosted on the Wiser Technology website with the label “Wiser Car Cover” because Andy is too embarrassed to admit that it’s a fraud.

Xtagged in the Beginning

Posted on January 27, 2012 in Xtagged

I first became aware of Xtagged through a club owner in Salt Lake City.  I owned all the nightlife websites in the state at the time and Andy had approached this club owner about his social media website hoping to persuade him to give Andy special access which he could use to look like a big-shot and pick up girls.  Andy tried this ploy in several nightclubs in Utah including Skybar, Allure, and eventually Playground, which (according to Andy) went so far as to give him a percentage of the club in exchange for ownership of the club in exchange for licensing rights to the Xtagged.com website.  The club owner in Salt Lake suggested that Andy meet with me, since I was already dominant in the nightlife social media space and a friend of his, and called to recommend I speak to Andy.

When I met Andy, he gave me an elaborate pitch about a dating website that used license plates to authenticate users and blue-tooth technology.  He told me that MySpace was offering to buy him out for $100 million dollars and that everything was patented.   The idea didn’t sound very marketable to me (the MySpace buyout claim was downright ridiculous) and I doubted it would ever go anywhere, but I continued to listen to Andy because he had been recommended by a friend and because his claims about patents seemed plausible and if so would have indicated that there was in fact some legitimate intellectual property behind what he was saying.  I wouldn’t find out until much later that his patent claims were absolute garbage.

I told Andy that I would post his Xtagged logo on my website’s homepage (it actually rotated with other partner logos) and that I’d introduce him to some technology investors in Park City who could flush out whether he had anything worth funding.  My wife objected to me working with Andy because she thought he was full of crap, but I said that there was no risk since it wasn’t really costing me anything except my time and I owed it to my friend to at least hear him out.

I later introduced Andy to my mother, who was out of work and living with me at the time, to see if she would be able to pick up some business consulting hours for helping him get his story straight.  Andy claimed to have funding and I figured if he was for real, then he and my mother could mutually benefit one another.

I eventually took Andy to meet with some investor friends in Park City, but the meeting came to nothing.  They later told me that they didn’t believe Andy’s idea was worth their time and they doubted he had any really proprietary technology under the hood.  My wife and I drove Andy and his companion Allen Brady home after the meeting and spend three hours with them stuck in a snowstorm on the freeway listening to Andy rant about his technology and ideas.  It was then that my wife realized that not only was Andy Esquivel completely full of crap, but he was probably insane as well.  I was too busy fighting traffic to notice and my wife would spend the next several months trying to convince me to stay as far away from Andy as possible.

Andy eventually convinced a club owner to let him “hang out” with his friends and promote his “Xtagged” brand in their vanue.  The club was Playground in Park City and Andy invited me up to take pictures of his events and to meet the club’s owners.  The events was a total bust with only Andy’s invited friends and Allen Brady attending, but I used the time to introduce myself to the owners in the hopes that I could leverage the relationship later during Sundance as a way to expand my website’s reach into Park City.  It was during that event that I started gettign red flags which suggested Andy was not at all what he claimed to be.

First, Andy pulled me aside and complained that I’d talked independently to the owners about working with my website to promote their events.  Andy claimed that he’d “already hooked [me] up with them bro” and that I’d “embarrassed him” by going over his head.  I pretty much blew Andy off and told him that under no circumstances would I allow him to speak for my website or to be an intermediary between me and nightclubs in the area.  My website sold itself and the last thing I needed was some small-time upstart interfering with my operations.

Later that same night Allen Brady gave me my second red flag when he approached me at the clubs back bar and confessed that he was beginning to think that Andy was a scam and completely full of crap.  I didn’t share with him at the time that I had come to the same conclusion.  Instead I reassured him that many early stage ventures seem shifty at first and that he should keep a healthy skepticism and keep his eyes open, but that I was sure Andy was probably an alright guy.  In short, I lied!

Andy and I continued to speak occasionally over the phone for several weeks after the failed Playground event.  I managed to talk to his patent attorney at one point about some unrelated business, but Andy told me not to call him again because he was trying to steal the company from him (a recurring theme over the years).  My mother continued to meet with Andy and even had my uncle talk to him about his ventures.  Apparently Andy gave him a sob story about his lawyers trying to steal his business from him and my uncle bought into it, offering to help.  I’m frankly not completely convinced that my uncle isn’t a con-artist as well.

I continued to tolerate Andy even though I was increasingly convinced that he was full of crap because I believed that with some professional help he might be able to turn his wild ideas into a viable concern.  I kept his logo on my website to add variety and my mother continued to work with him even though, except for a few dollars Andy asked me to give to her once at Playground, she wasn’t getting paid.  Eventually my mother moved away and I lost touch with Andy.  Looking back, it was a huge mistake to deal with Andy for as long as I did.  The red flags were all over the place, but like many I was too busy to pay them much attention.  Most of the time I would humor Andy and listen to his rants simply to avoid an uncomfortable conversation in which I confessed I didn’t believe a word he was telling me anymore.  I was probably numb to Andy’s garbage because I dealt with so many promoters who were just like him on a weekly basis.

In the end, the only person I have to blame for my involvement with this dirt-bag is myself.  My wife continues to tell me ‘I told you so!’

What is Xtagged.com?

Posted on January 27, 2012 in Xtagged

Xtagged.com was a social media dating website assembled by Andy Esquivel that used license plate numbers as the primary identifier. I claimed to make the Internet safer by employing advanced technologies like facial recognition and API links to law enforcement databases (like child molester registries) and the DMV to authenticate user identities.

Unfortunately the entire system turned out to be an elaborate scam and Andy Esquivel was subsequently charged with three felony counts of securities fraud for selling stock in the holding company (Xtagged LLC or Xtagged Inc depending on the day of the week) which never legally existed.

The case is now before a district court judge in Davis County and Andy faces up to 25 years in prison if convicted – 15 for one 2nd degree felony count and 5 years for each 3rd degree felony count of securities fraud.  The Utah case number is 111701135.

Xtagged.com no longer exists and is being redirected to Bump.com, a legitimate website based on the same concept. Andy current;y contends that Bump.com stole his idea and claims to be suing them over it, though no evidence of such legal actions exists and there would be no basis for one if it did.

 

 

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Andy writes email as Ron Kelsay

Posted on January 25, 2012 in Ron Kelsay

Here Andy’s latest blog.  It’s supposed to be an email from Ron Kelsay.  The grammar and spelling are better than normal, but still far below that of an educated adult with English as his first language so I’m assuming this was written by Andy pretending to be Ron.  Notice the repeated lack of periods and the lack of coherent idea-flow?  Also notice how Andy claims that the background information we found (very easily I might add) on Ron Kelsay was made up.  Ron knows his criminal record and even he isn’t stupid enough to try to claim it’s not all true.

It worked Daryl & Ryion manipulate Ron’s past…

From: Ron Kelsay <ronkelsay@yahoo.com>
To: Karma Cause <karmacause@ymail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 24, 2012 9:05 PM
Subject:
When I first met Andy, I heard through a mutual friend that he was looking for a camera man to shoot several promo spots for Wiser e-cigarettes. At our first meet I was informed about the slander campaign Lead by Daryl against Wiser technology. A couple of months went by before I was chosen from other camera men Andy had been interviewing. Because of Daryl Acumans slander campaign against Wiser E-cigarettes. The promo spots were put on hold That’s when Andy mentioned the documentary. I was chosen not because of my experience but because I could play a role that the others couldn’t. Because of my background I was a perfect candidate to fish out proof of Daryl’s tactics. My job was not only to document what was happening but to engage in conversation with Daryl, Ryion, Kyle and whoever else Daryl had pushing his relentless campaign. We knew that Daryl attacked anyone who Andy did business with. So I set myself up as bait. I contacted Daryl and Ryion on the blog at partyutah.com that has now been removed. Immediately Daryl tried to convince me that Andy was a scam. Next he attacked my credibility calling me a scam I began calling him out on most of his accusations. During our conversations I was able to profile his personality traits which I later used to get him to expose his true intentions, who was helping him and several of his ridiculous lies. His attacks on me didn’t stop at posting my background check with made up scenario attached. He hacked into my Facebook page copied pics of my 2 year old niece which he posted on his blog. Tried to convince readers that I tattooed a 2 year old. Posted links to my sons video on Youtube, calling him a drug addict because of his lyrics. Stalked my ex wife’s page made comments about her teeth because she posted how she got her new veneers. His explanation to that comment was she smoked so much meth she rotted her teeth out. He posted her background check with made up scenario as well. This is typical behavior for Daryl but relatively minor compared to the abuse that Andy has had to put up with for over two years.
Cyber bulling has caused teens to commit suicide. Those cases are made aware by the media. When it’s used to destroy a company as a form of corporate espionage and the credibility of an individual businessman, Most people just assume it’s true. Why would anyone work so hard to expose a con artist unless it were? This story will expose how a sociopath bent on revenge, having ties to individuals who stole intellectual property and sold it to bump.com, manipulated business partners to violate non disclosure agreements, destroy their own company and file false charges against Andy. We intend to show how one man was able to manipulate SEC agents, police and the Utah courts. How he contacted every business associate Wiser had negotiated deals with calling Andy a scam, causing them to back out. Slandering every product Wiser technology produces, every owner or business partner associated with Wiser Technology including their families. There are no laws to protect from this. The only recourse is civil action. Based on Daryl’s comments we believe he is receiving compensation in exchange for destroying Andy’s character to save bump.com, embarrassment and sabotage the lawsuit Xtagged is bringing against Platester/Yourplates.
Andy’s been quiet for a while and he’s trying to pretend that this isn’t him, which means his attorney told him to shut up and lay low until he can work out a plea deal in Davis County to keep him out of jail.  Whatever prompted Andy to write this, I’m glad he finally did it.  It was getting boring around here with him scared back under a rock in Colorado.  More power to him for having the stones to keep talking mess with criminal charges hanging over his head.
Note: Andy claims here that he intentionally selected Ron Kelsay as his cameraman because of his criminal record.  Also note that Sundance is going on right now and Ron’s HUGE documentary obviously didn’t make the cut.  …more lies exposed.

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Harassment Trial update

Posted on January 19, 2012 in Trial Updates

Andy Esquivel just posted the following on his Wiser Scam website:

January 17, 2011 American Fork prosecutor offers Andy plea bargain (NO jail and one year probation). Andy said no thank you. WHY? because Andy is innocent! 

Hmmm…so it looks like Andy is holding out for a better plea deal than “NO jail and one year probation.”  What’s he expecting, no jail and six months probation?  Maybe he really does want this case to go to trial.

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Andy’s bogus trial updates…

Posted on January 17, 2012 in Andy's Threats Trial Updates

Andy Esquivel is still trying to convince his friends that he’s in complete control of his legal situation and that things aren’t as bad as they appear.  Here’s the lates from the Wiser Technology website:

Court Update; January 17,2012 in Davis County court, we all finally get to tell our side as owners of Xtagged. John Steer, Jake House, Allen Brady, Shar Jenkins, Steve klemark & more. Followed by American Fork where we all will testify against Daryl Acumen.
  
After we all prove that securities were never sold as Ryion & Daryl stated “hundreds were sold”.
We will continue with our lawsuit for Xtagged.
F.Y.I Wiser Technology has received a great offer from a Nevada company that we are looking into 01/18/2012.

…so where do we begin?  First of all, the hearings held today in Davis County and American Fork Utah were preliminary hearings, not trials.  There was no jury and nobody was the least bit interested in anything Andy Esquivel had to say.  In short nobody “testified” about anything…period!  In both cases, Andy’s attorney simply informed the court that he needed more time to convince his client to plead ‘guilty’ or to formulate some kind of defense.  The idea that Andy or his gullible friends would get to ‘tell [their] sides of the story’ today or ‘testify against’ me is completely delusional and illustrates how mentally disturbed Andy Esquivel is.

Second, Andy is an IDIOT if he thinks he’s going to be able to convince a judge that he never sold securities, especially when the state has copies of the checks written to him by investors  as well as signed documents claiming to do precisely that.  I don’t know what Andy means by “hundreds were sold”.  Hundreds of what?  Does he mean shares?  If so, then his own documents conform that Andy sold tens of thousands of shares, not hundreds.

As for a lawsuit for Xtagged, all I have to say is…next?  I mean seriously, we’ve been hearing the same hollow threats about the same fictitious companies for years.  Who at this point is still listening?

Finally Andy now claims that some company from Nevada, blah, blah, blah…  We’ve heard that before too.  it used to be entertaining, but now it’s just…whatever.  The first time I ever spoke to Steve Klemark on the phone he said Andy had some BS story about investors in Nevada.  Every time Andy wants to create the impression that there’s money right around the corner he brings up some company in Nevada.  It’s almost a running joke, like saying ‘I’ve got some beach-front property in Arizona to sell.

I think it’s funny that Andy still has the stones to try so hard to spin his dilemma online.  Everybody knows he’s guilty of fraud and within a few months he’s going to be pleading guilty to all charges.  What does he think he’s gong to gain by continuing to lie?

for REAL updates, stay tuned to this website and check out “Trial Updates” section monthly.  As new information comes in that is public record, we will post it here.

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Case#101101231 January 17th update (harassment)

Posted on January 17, 2012 in Trial Updates

Today Andy showed up in American Fork with his attorney and was granted another continuance.  The court ruled that he doesn’t have to show up for the next hearing and that a plea statement can be filed via affidavit.  For more details, click here.

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Case#111701135 January 17th update (fraud)

Posted on January 17, 2012 in Trial Updates

Andy appeared in court today with his attorney and asked for a remand of his waived preliminary hearing from last year.  The Judge set the date for a remanded preliminary hearing on February 17th 2012.  For details, click here.

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Trial update – case#091800357

Posted on January 4, 2012 in Trial Updates

Michael Holje appeared in court today on Andy Esquivel’s behalf and secured a continuance until February 6th while he and the prosecutor attempt to come to some sort of resolution.  Andy is currently free on $750 cash bail pending trial.  For more detail, click here.

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Andy Esquivel Witness Tampering Video

Posted on January 4, 2012 in Andy's Videos

Andy Esquivel's witness tampering video

Andy Esquivel engages in Witness Tampering on video

Personally I think this is one of Andy’s stupidest videos.  It’s definitely his most daring!  Here Andy actually tries to manipulate the key witnesses in his securities fraud trial on camera with promises that they will all be millionaires if they keep their fake shares.  It’s unbelievable that someone facing felony charges for fraud would publicly attempt to manipulate key witnesses in the case against him and promise them money if they continued to buy into the scam.

Andy begins this video by claiming that he is not the manipulator, I am.  This a pretty bold claim considering he’s on trial for manipulation and I am not.

40 seconds into the video Andy brags that there’s a multi-million dollar lawsuit int he works and suggests that if the witnesses against him cooperate, they will be able to share the spoils.  This is absolutely insane!  First of all, Andy doesn’t have the resources to file such a lawsuit, second he has no grounds for such a lawsuit since he has no intellectual property and never filed a patent for any of his ridiculous ideas, third Andy’s only attorneys are criminal lawyers trying to keep him out of jail, and finally trying to bribe witnesses with promises that they will share in a multi-million dollar lawsuit if they play ball is criminal!

At :55 Andy claims that my mother and I were hired by some unnamed masked man to discredit Andy.  That’s an odd claim considering I haven’t spoken to my mother in years and I already have a job (Andy it must be noted does not).

1:05 Andy claims that he’s not angry at the Utah victims for stealing their money and that this all his rants over the last three years were simply to collect data for Steve Klemark’s mythical Digital Internet DNA project.  In other words, Andy never meant to look like a nut, it was all just a setup for me.

1:25 Andy claims that he will be bringing 20 – 40 people to Utah for his criminal trial instead of the half dozen brainless minions he brought to his preliminary hearing.  He then says that he’s been trying to get in touch with the ‘District Attorney’ to make arrangements to pay the Utah victims back, even though the Prosecutor told Andy that doing so would not stop the criminal case against him and he didn’t need to go through the courts to do it.

2:00 into the video, Andy begins going through his collection of Linked In connections and bragging that they imply some sort of broad media coverage and legitimacy on his part.  He thinks that having a connection to a recruiter for Linked In means he’s endorsed by the company.  He shows a Linked In connection between Steve Klemark and the Mayor of Denver (not surprising since he’s a state employee) and uses that to ‘prove’ that Steve Klemark is more than a low-level IT guy at the Denver PD.  Andy actually spends two whole minutes ranting about how a few Linked In connections proves he’s famous, which only shows how little Andy knows about social media.

4:15 into the video Andy begins ranting about how Mitch Thrower is a Billionaire (he is not) and how he found a fatal flaw in Bump.com and somehow that has something to do with Andy and Xtagged.  This segment is mostly senseless babble which makes little sense, but Andy uses the fog to allude to some sort of connection to Thrower and to imply that this somehow validates Xtagged or his lawsuit or something.

Now the fun part!  Startign at about 5:00 in the video, Andy turns the spin up to 11.  he starts by asserting one more time that he SOLD Xtagged and that if the Utah victims keep their fake percentages in a legally nonexistent company and let him keep their  money, they will all become millionaires!  not only that, but they’ll also be asked by mentally incapacitated stoner Allen Brady to tour the country and speak on countless college campuses telling the story of how they were manipulated by me.  You have to be really high or really stupid to fall for this garbage, but Andy keeps spinning it as if it’s the gospel straight from the lord on high.  He once again asserts that the last two years of senseless rants on his part were merely to smoke me out and to gather data for Steve Klemark’s mythical Digital DNA technology.  Wow!

At 5:45 in the video, Andy announces that he’s fired Leonard Martinez for collaborating with me.  He goes on and on about Leonard giving me his “discovery,” even though the Davis County courts have NO RECORD of Leonard Martinez ever requesting discovery and the first recorded request for such didn’t occur until December 8th, long after this video was recorded, by Michael Holje!

To me, this video is simply amazing!  It clearly illustrates how stupid Andy Esquivel is and proves that up until this video was made he was not receiving competent legal counsel.  NOBODY in their right mind who was facing felony fraud charges facing fraud charges would post a video like this on Youtube and any attorney who advised his client to do so would surely be guilty of malpractice.  Aside from the signed notarized fraud documents Andy used to defraud his victims, I think this video is probably the most damning piece of evidence against him.

At 6:10, Andy begins thumping his chest and claiming that the SEC (Andy has never spoken to the SEC) has promised him a federal investigation and he welcomes it.  He says he’s hired a lawyer that everybody would be surprised to find out who it was.  of course the lawyer turned out to be Michael Holje, a  associate attorney at a law firm in Salt Lake nobody had ever heard of.

 

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Andy Esquivel’s Samsung Instinct video

Posted on January 3, 2012 in Andy's Videos

Xtagged Samsung Instinct

Xtagged Samsung Instinct by Andy Esquivel

This is one of Andy Esquivel’s first slight-of-hand fake product videos and it’s hilarious!

Andy begins by showing you a Samsung Instinct box then flips it over to reveal (dramatic pause0 a silver Xtagged sticker!  Having a sticker on a box obviously means it’s a bundled product, right?

he goes on to explain that Xtagged is now shipping with the Samsung Instinct phone from Sprint and begins showing you how it works.

With a magical mix of photos stored in his phone and a savvy flip over to the built in web browser, Andy tries to convince the viewer that all he has to do it point the phone at someone’s Xtagged badge and the phone’s “secret formula freezes the shot and  automatically takes you to” the persons Xtagged profile.

Only a complete idiot (like Allen Brady) would fall for this pathetically transparent trick, but Andy seems excited about it nonetheless.  It takes either someone who is completely insane or really high to believe that anyone out there would fall for this sort of thing, but Andy does.  He even goes on to explain that ‘recruiters’ can use the technology to stop ‘pedophiles’ from posing as something.  i dind’t quite understand that part of the pitch, but Andy is excited about it anyway.

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Ron Kelsay Negotiates a Settlement?

Posted on January 3, 2012 in Andy's Videos

Ron Kelsay Settles with Ryion

Ron Kelsay Settles with Ryion

In this video, Andy Esquivel has Ron Kelsay on the phone and they’re bragging that Ron and Ryion have come to a settlement in the case against Andy.  They claim that Ron has negotiated the repayment of the roughly $20,000 that Andy stole from Ryion, Kyle and Chris in exchange for something, but not sure what.

In the video Andy griped that I’m trying to manipulate the settlement when I correctly pointed out online that Andy paying the Utah victims back would not stop the criminal charges pending against him from moving forward and would have little impact on the felony case against him.  In spite of my malicious blogging however, Andy claims that his real enemy is me (Daryl) and that Ryion and the reast were really cool guys.

Here’s the rub: Andy didn’t have the money to pay Ryion, Kyle or Chris back and frankly this was all just an elaborate show to convince Ron Kelsay (a gullible convicted felon Andy picked up in Denver) that he was legitimate.  Ryion never expected to get paid back and neither did the other Utah victims, but they went along with the charade in case Andy was desperate enough to prove himself not to be a fraud that he actually found the money somewhere and gave it back to them.

In the end (of course) there was no money.  Andy found some excuse to push back the payment deadline and then to claim that the deal was off.  All this was really immaterial, but it’s an amusing example of Andy trying to prove himself to someone who hasn’t yet figured out he’s a scam and going to the extreme length of saying that someone he’s been lambasting for three years is “really a cool guy,” only to change his mind when the ‘cool guy’ proves once again that Andy is a fraud.

 

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Andy Esquivel’s Radioactive Fingernail Polish video

Posted on January 3, 2012 in Andy's Videos

Wiser Technology Radioactive fingernail polish

Wiser Technology radioactive fingernail polish enabled Wiser Pad

This is one of my favorites because it shows how transparent Andy’s scams can be.  In this video, Andy has purchased a new Samsung Galaxy slate and tries to pass it off as a new Wiser product.

First (at :34) Andy asks you to notice that there are only fingerprints on half of his screen (like most slates) and he says “there’s a reason for that.”  The ‘reason’ has NOTHING to do with the fact that the touch keyboard on most slates when holding them in profile mode only covers that portion of the screen…that would be too obvious.  Andy instead claims that the reason for the fingerprint position is his new black fingernail polish which he uses to control the screen.

Here’s where it gets HILARIOUS!!!  Andy brings up a slide-show of his daughter using built in photo player and begins waving his finger back and forth across the screen to make anyone with an IQ too low to know better think that he’s controlling the shifting image with his finger.

Andy claims that this new “invention” will make it unnecessary to ‘type’ on the Wiser Page (Samsung Galaxy) screen…which even if the whole demonstration weren’t completely bogus, would be a stupid product idea!  Imaging, all you have to do is twinkle your fingers over the slate screen like a gay man (no offense to my homosexual friends) to type on the screen?  Yea, that makes sense!  How do I make sure I hit the right key?  Um…

Next Andy pitches a revolutionary new Velcro strap custom made for Wiser Technology (you can see the Velcro professionally attached to the back of the Galaxy tablet earlier in the show) and tries to explain why it’s more revolutionary than…a Velcro strap.

Finally Andy shows off his daughter with the Wiser strap, pad, thing and claims they have exercise software manufacturers working on apps for doing crunches.  I still can’t figure out how an Android app would help you do crunches, but…  Apparently the Wiser Pad is going to be larger than the Samsung Galaxy tablet, even though it IS a Samsung Galaxy tablet, so you can fit a full keyboard, which the Galaxy already has.

All proceeds from the $15 Velcro strap will go towards Andy’s fake Karma Cause charity, which is very reassuring.  Andy then tries to explain where the $499 for the Wiser Pad will go, but I guess his battery ran out first.

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